Give Me a Reason
by StellaPen
Summary: Post HBP. Spoilers. No wolf can survive alone. Eventual slash. Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all of this. Not me.
1. Chapter 1

"Give me a reason and I swear I'll do it," he spat mockingly into the other's ear. His hands were around the other man's neck, but he shook with a hesitancy he tried fervently to crush.

The man on the ground lay rigidly still.

Remus Lupin was pacing uneasily. Alone in Number 12, Grimmauld Place, it seemed that he had been momentarily forgotten. Momentarily forgotten on perhaps the one night out of many that mattered. He clawed at his hair anxiously, absentmindedly thumping the same spot on the floor each time he passed it. He had come to realize that as of lately, he became animalistic even when there was no full moon. _A defense mechanism_, he thought. No wolf would care about the memories that haunted these walls and floors for him.

No wolf would care that a friend and mentor had just died, and certainly no wolf would care about who had killed him.

Tonks was busy with Auror business from the Ministry. The Weasleys were all constantly looking after Bill. Kingsley worked unthinkable hours. No one knew what Harry was doing, but he'd suggested Lupin stay here.

At first he thought he could handle the mental ghosts he knew would come. Like seeing Sirius's old bedroom, the living room they'd sat in on countless occasions when the rest of the Blacks were finally out, even the now-vacant spot of Mrs. Black's old portrait. He would have given anything even to hear her screaming about him being unclean, or 'disgusting', as she was so fond of. But this silence caved in on him, and reminded him of the people who weren't there.

No wolf could survive alone, without his pack.

In a few minutes he would tear this house apart. Lupin knew this already. There was no wolfsbane available to him now. He had originally tried to chain himself but found the task impossible. It seemed that in this mental state, no chains were strong enough. Something in him _wanted _to get out. It wanted to run away. Yes, the wolf wanted chaos tonight.

And as the moon finally showed its full glory, Lupin's thoughts were no longer his to control. They were simply faces, or perhaps shadows of old that lurked only in these darker places in his mind.

His claws extended. He saw Sirius transforming into a dog.

He doubled over onto all fours. He saw James begin an easy gallop.

Fur sprung from his rigid back. He saw Lily's gorgeously long hair.

A tail extended itself from his lower back. He saw Peter finding his only comfort in serving others.

His mind deteriorated into instinct only. He saw Dumbledore, offering endless words of wisdom.

His eyes blackened and a sneer fixed itself on his face. He saw nothing.

"Run, Draco," Severus Snape whispered in the boy's ear. "Go far away. Go to your mother. Just _run_."

"The Unbreakable Vow is over, you don't have to - "

"I know. Go!"

"Sir…" Draco's eyes suddenly widened, fixing on something behind Snape.

The older man turned slowly, already weary of whatever he would see. "Greyback", he nearly growled.

The lupine man lunged at Draco, already snarling barbarically, although the full moon had not yet risen. "It's due any minute now. The change", hissed Greyback through fang-like teeth.

"What are you doing here, Fenrir?" asked Snape, in a cool, conservative voice. "Your master would be angry. You would attack one of his loyal servants?"

"And you know plenty about loyalty, do you, Snape?" Greyback growled in response. "We all know where your true loyalties lie. Do you think any of us believed that ridiculous stunt a few nights ago? It's all that's talked of in the underground. The wolves know. We can sense it."

Snape's eyes narrowed. He had the ability to make his eyes as feline as possible, tiny slits that would combat Greyback's impossibly large canine pupils. He was restraining the werewolf as best he could, but unfortunately in this position he could not reach his wand.

"Leave now, Fenrir, or I will tell your master you are attacking one of his favorites."

But the werewolf would have none of it. He managed to knock Snape to the ground in a sudden swing from one large, hairy arm that was quickly becoming a leg, and immediately jumped for Draco. He had the boy pinned to the ground in mere seconds, but was thrown off again by Snape, this time ready with a _Petrificus__ Totalus_. But before the ex-professor could do anything, he felt something sharp sink into his neck.

It was rather like the _Cruciatus_, he managed to think through the fog. Shaking, being shaken by an uncontrollable force, pain too strong to have a real affect, someone else screaming in the background, and that feeling he'd had his whole life of quiet acceptance.

Draco had run. Snape closed his eyes.

Morning seemed a dream, a break in the dangerous night. Creatures in the forest were stirring and the sun still hung low in the sky. But something was off. Something was waiting to happen.

Lupin awoke suddenly with a grunt. The worst part of the morning after his transformations was the fact that ever since he was a child, he had startled himself awake, jerking limbs he had most likely already injured during the night.

This morning was different. Instead of the rough forest floor he felt something soft beneath him. The ache in his neck almost prevented him from moving. He felt that one of his ankles was probably broken, and a twisted wrist was quite likely. There were scratches all up and down his arms, and he was sure if he could see his back he would find it a mess. This had been no ordinary night of self destruction.

Lupin propelled himself up with his uninjured wrist, surveying the bloody confusion beneath him. His torso was sprawled across a pair of thin, scraped legs. As he crawled slowly up this other body, letting the haze in his mind fade, he saw scars that he realized must have been from much longer ago than last night, from ancient pains that ran deep.

It was the head that alerted him.

One look at the stringy, greasy, black hair, and Lupin was painfully up on his wobbly feet, stumbling backwards as far as he could go without falling again. He had flung himself off the crumpled man, and awoken the other in the process. Looking into those feline eyes, Lupin's initial fear turned into a quick, heated anger.

"Snape", he hissed, not moving for a moment.

Snape acknowledged him only through brief eye contact.

Suddenly Lupin remembered. He remembered everything, everyone that had gone away from him, and he wanted to blame. He scrambled through fallen leaves and sharp branches, landing again on Snape's back with a stranglehold on his neck. "Give me a reason and I swear I'll do it," he whispered in a dangerous tone.

Snape did nothing, as he had done his whole life.

"How can you not fight back, you coward!" Lupin screamed into his ear, shaking him through sudden hysteria. "_How can you…"_

At this, the supine man stirred. "Get off me, Lupin. Get. Off." And when Lupin did not move, Snape threw him back with an unexpected force. His arms swung like those of a madman, not heeding all the injuries covering his body like a patchwork.

The werewolf aimed a hit at Snape's face, which the other easily blocked. "Hand-to-hand is not your strength, is it, Lupin? Bit ironic, for an animal. How good are you with wandless magic? I can teach you a rather elegant curse. Try _Sectumsem__ – "_

"NO!" and with another lunge, Lupin had Snape pinned to the forest floor, wrists held in one hand and throat in another.

"Why did you do it? WHY?" he pinched harder into Snape's throat, growling the words out through a husky voice coated with tears.

"You are a fool, Lupin. You have never changed. Do you honestly think I can tell you? Do you think he wanted the information out?"

"Who, your master?"

"Yes. Dumbledore. There are things you do not know, you idiot. Things no one can know but I. In the end you will learn, once I have given myself completely to all of you. Always so _selfish._" Snape could barely speak for the increasing pressure on his throat.

"_I _am selfish? He's dead! You murdered him, you distgusting…I trusted you," Lupin wailed, more softly this time.

"Wasn't a murder," Snape managed to grind out with very little air. "Sacrifice. Can't you comprehend what two Unbreakable Vows will do? I had to obey. Dumbledore would not let me die."

At this Lupin let up a little, confused. "Two? Harry spoke of one, what else - "

"For what reason should I tell you? For what reason should I do anything you lot ask of me? It was…Dumbledore forced me into the other," he wheezed. "Rather nonconsensual. But he was still so sickly kind about the whole business. That's the problem with all of you. You're all so nice, but not this ideal good you claim to be. I'm not good. I'm not bad. I'm just right, and currently I know a great deal more than you about all of this, so I suggest you let me up."

But Lupin didn't let go yet. He simply stared downwards, as if in a trance. "You're like me now," he said in a strangely dull voice.

"What are you still blathering about. Let me go - "

"Who bit you? Greyback?"

"Yes."

"The Death Eaters will cast him out."

"I know."

"Will they cast you out?"

"I don't know."

"Will they blame you?"

"_Do you blame me?_"

Lupin seemed to come to some sort of decision. He hoisted Snape up onto shaky feet, and pushed his arms back. "Keep your hands behind your back. Don't try anything. We're going to my place. First transformations are hard, I know, and I can help you. But I can also turn you in."

"If you turn me in, your side loses everything."

"If I turn you in, you lose everything. Move, Severus."


	2. Chapter 2

"Well did anyone see where he went?" Kingsley Shacklebolt growled, getting irritated.

"No – look – no one else was there. It was just – _we think_ – just those three. Greyback, the Malfoy boy, and Snape. And look, we've only got spotty evidence – some people in the village down the hill…no one is even sure where they really were, Kingsley, they hide themselves well," Arthur Weasley, back in full-swing at the Ministry, managed to gasp out in between Kingsley's tirades.

"Well, Harry was saying it is very important we find him now, and people around here are _finally_ starting to listen to him - "

"Kingsley – I know. Alright, I know. We will find him, I know what Harry said. Moody's on it. With his father in Azkaban it won't be as difficult to get to him now," said Arthur, trying in vain to calm down his irate co-worker.

"What about the other two?"

"Greyback and Snape? Greyback's probably back in the underground. Snape…no one knows."

Kingsley nodded, breathing more slowly at last. "We'll send Lupin back to the wolves. Greyback doesn't suspect him yet."

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The walk, or rather stumble for Snape, to Grimmauld Place was awkward. Lupin kept an extremely strong hold on Snape, still coming down off the effects of the full moon. The air was chilled and a slight wind blew, but the two men managed to keep what little dignity they had, having lost their clothes during last night's activities. Lupin kept Snape firmly in front of him, making sure he only stared impassively at the back of his head. At least they were in a forest most of the time.

"What do you do?"

"What?" Lupin was startled out of his reverie. The wizarding world had seemed to slow down, to take a step back in the past few days, and everything around them appeared to move almost in slow motion. Lupin's thoughts became more sluggish too, lingering in the past and in idle wanderings which were no help at all.

"What do you do? You wake up naked every time? It's undignified. It's unthinkable. But I suppose precious Black was always there to - "

"He didn't do it. I'm usually chained, or drugged. At school – _keep you hands behind your back! – _at school I kept my clothes in a cellar at the shrieking shack, and if I wasn't there in the morning James or…or Sirius would always bring them," Lupin admitted grudgingly.

There was an eerie silence after that. Lupin was remembering how it felt to be taken care of, to have someone always there to watch out for him. Who would watch out for him now when the werewolves decided he was a traitor and a perfectly good meal? _Speaking of traitors_, he thought with a grimace, glancing over Snape once. He didn't know what to think of the man. He was a complete mystery, a double-edged sword and Lupin couldn't help but wonder if too much or too little faith had been placed in him.

An alarming thought startled him out of his trance. "What happened to your wand?"

Snape merely answered him with a glare for a moment, before looking away to admit some measure of defeat. "I don't know. I had it there. I don't know. If they find it – be 'they' Death Eaters or the Ministry, we have a much more serious problem."

"They could do a trace."

"Yes."

"And what precisely would they find?"

Snape gave a bit of an ironic smirk. "Histories of spells Lupin, routine ones. Nothing quite so shocking, though I'd say the last one might - "

Lupin cut him off, not wanting to hear about that one. "But you claim to be on our side, do you not? You claim to be good. Why would it be so horrible then if the Ministry found it?"

The glare was back. Snape stopped walking, even though they were nearly at the house, and turned to face Lupin completely, wrenching out of the grip. "I never claimed to be _good_, you fool. There is a difference between _good_ and _right_, like I said before. I'm not working for the Ministry. I never have been, and I never will. Those idiots do not deserve cooperation. My orders come from elsewhere."

"And where is that?" Lupin asked, letting the anger and annoyance show through in his voice as they hurriedly stepped into the house through the backdoor, trying their best not to catch the eyes of neighbours.

Snape said nothing for awhile. The man made no sound, Lupin came to notice. He didn't sigh, he didn't clear his throat, he didn't even breathe loudly. There was never any sound from him except for when he spoke, and even then it was sparse and sharp. Snape never wasted words.

Lupin grabbed his wand off a sturdy shelf up high, where it had been placed to be safe from the wolf. Not much else in the house escaped though – it was quite a wreck. He righted a sofa with obvious claw marks down the side and sat Snape down on it roughly, binding him magically with ropes. "Don't I even get clothes? This looks rather odd, Lupin, even for you", Snape grimaced.

"Oh! Right. Err…sorry," Lupin mumbled, wandering why he was apologizingß. He unbound the ropes quickly and conjured Snape a rather plain-looking robe before binding him efficiently again.

"How long do you intend to keep me here? This is wasting valuable time."

"For whose side?"

"For both."

"Then I will ask you again, until you answer. Who are you loyal to?"

Snape maintained eye contact though another strange silence that followed. The man seemed to say more in stillness than he ever did through noise. "Have you ever even heard of a horcrux, Lupin?"

Lupin looked surprised. "Yes, but why - "

"Then I must suggest to you yet again that you do not speak of things you do not know. Suffice it to say, I have been searching for several horcruxes."

This time Lupin looked sickened. "You mean you're making them for yourself?"

Snape did not answer. Instead he said in a dangerous undertone, "I think I may know the location of perhaps the most powerful horcrux in the world. And if you think the Ministry is getting that information out of me, you might as well turn me in now and watch as whatever their pathetic methods of torture are fail. I remind you, I can evade most any potion."

This time the silence came from Lupin.


	3. Chapter 3

"Where the hell is Moody?" the young woman nearly screamed upon bursting through the door with an explosive spell.

"Tonks! What - " Arthur began.

"NO! You lot never get anything done! At least Mad-Eye can bloody _look_ intimidating towards people! Where is he?"

"He's out," Kingsley sighed. "Now what exactly is it that you need? We've already got enough chaos going on in here. Oh, and if this is another message from Scrimgeour, you can tell him he can shove it - "

"Kingsley!" Arthur silenced him with a look. "What's the matter, Tonks?"

"Remus is gone."

-

"And I suppose there's no way in hell you are going to tell me, or anyone else, about this supposed information you have, Severus?" Lupin asked with an unnerving calm.

"You fool. Do you think I want to be the only one that knows? Can you comprehend what such information could do to me? How valuable I now am? There's a price on my head, Lupin. Congratulations. You've caught yourself a wanted man," Snape sneered, although a little more desperately than usual.

"If you would tell the Ministry, they'd know you're innocent and - "

Snape laughed, or rather hissed. "The Ministry? They might as well work in the Muggle world, they are so detached from what truly goes on. You know that as well as I. Why do you think Dumbledore started your precious Order?"

At the name 'Dumbledore' Lupin tensed, giving Snape a look that clearly said he had no right to speak of him. The werewolf was sitting on his haunches in a chair after he had quickly dressed himself, and his wand was still aimed directly at the chest of the other man. When they'd arrived, he hadn't bothered to explain this house, that it wasn't his usual one, that it was…the werewolf's house, but somehow he thought Snape knew. So the position looked odd, but it was distinctly canine. Distinctly a position of power, of someone ready to strike. Lupin's problem was that he didn't know who to strike. Only a few moments ago he had seriously considered using an Unforgivable, but now he found himself genuinely confused by the man, the enigma before him. Confused and a little anxious.

"You're afraid of me," Snape said, the corners of his thin lips twisting upwards in the closest thing he'd ever displayed to a smile.

Lupin started and quickly broke eye contact. Snape had been in his mind. The feeling disturbed him to no end. For such a private man, an invasion like that was shocking, shattering at times. Snape had done it to him before. But in an odd way, he expected it. Sometimes he felt that his mind wasn't his in the first place, that he shared it with some monster that came from somewhere else entirely. Still, when it was a person there, that was terrifying.

"I should check on your bite," Lupin finally said after a long pause, lowering his wand and sighing with resignation. He approached Snape slowly, not out of fear, but sheer wonder. "Who are you?" he muttered under his breath.

Snape heard.

"I'm who I've always been. Don't touch me," he replied, but there was no snarl. It was simply a statement. Controlled.

"I have to. This could become infected. He bit your neck, it's very dangerous. I'm just going to have a look," Lupin tried to say evenly.

He pulled back the rough robe material, thinking it odd to see Snape in this color of tan for once. This was the robe he had conjured, not the man's usual apparel of black and nothing but. Upon the first skin-on-skin contact, Snape visibly tensed, so hard that the sofa rocked forward a bit. He found himself wanting to calm the man down, to say '_This is me, I'm not the wolf, I'm real, I'm human, I promise.' _But he bit his tongue. Lupin had said that exact statement in dreams, in nightmares even, to countless people.

He looked at the pierce marks where Greyback's teeth had sunk in. It wasn't entirely the neck – it was more like shoulder and neck and chest. A werewolf had a big bite. He touched softly and pulled back at the hiss he heard. But he noticed something strange at the juncture of neck and shoulder. The bite marks covered a vein. Like a vampire's, only less precise, and much more brutal. And they sunk in far deeper, as if searching for something.

"Severus – something's….this isn't how these usually look…" Lupin trailed off, unsure of what to say as he was unsure of what he was seeing.

"What are you blathering about?"

"No…it's, this isn't right. It looks like he bit to draw blood. Not in exactly the right spot to make you bleed to death, but there was something else going on here…"

Snape said nothing. He was sitting completely still, staring ahead at the wall, and _breathing_. Lupin had never heard the man breathe like that before. Well, he was fairly sure he had never really had a reason to pay attention to Snape's breathing or any other vital signs, but this was the breathing of a man afraid.

"What?" Lupin began, tentatively. "What's…"

"It would seem I've just become more valuable."

Snape looked down at himself, hiding his face from Lupin's view, but giving the werewolf a much clearer view of his neck. As Snape hid, Lupin observed. _How ironic_. _How like our childhood_, Lupin thought. But that was pointless, he had to come back to the here-and-now. And right now, he was noticing something else to alarm him. "Severus, there's blood all over this wound. I need to clean it off."

"It's not mine."

"What?"

"Nevermind. Clean it. Do…whatever it is you do, I suppose you would know. You don't look exactly sparkling clean yourself Lupin. Why so worried over me?"

"I'm just trying to understand this. You. I don't know if I wish you were dead or if I wish you'd…I don't know what I wish. I never have," the werewolf said softly, mostly to himself.

Snape craned his head around as far as it would go while he was still tied in this awkward position. He caught Lupin's eyes, forcing the other man to hold his stare. And Lupin allowed it. For this one moment, or few moments, as he lost track of time, he wasn't afraid. And he stared right back, all the while gently moving a cloth over Snape's shoulder. He stared right back and hid nothing. He figured Snape had done a good deal of opening up for the day. And he was always one to give as good as he got.

Snape broke the silence but not the look in an oddly calming way. "Would you mind untying me, Lupin?"


End file.
